Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Craig of Simple Black Coffee.
I’m a guy…a married guy who’s writing a post about wedding dresses.
My wife wore a traditional wedding dress on our special day almost 11 years ago and it now resides in a plastic bag hanging in a closet.
Many people participating in Project 333 are also simple living advocates examining what they own and whether they need it. Some may have whittled down the pans, CDs, books and clothing to the point where it’s time to start examining sentimental items and memorabilia.
A wedding dress falls into a strange category of keepsakes, a rather one sided category. Most men rent their wedding wear and return it shortly after the wedding. Your wedding dress still takes up space in a closet or a box and it stands to reason that you’ll never wear it again.
I enlisted the help of my wife and some other married women friends to get a feel for how important a wedding dress is after the ceremony is over. I assumed that Molly, my bride of 11 years was hanging onto her dress because she had no reason to get rid of it, but at the same time figured someday she’d decide it could go.
I was wrong.
She told me that it’s still important and sentimental to her, and if something were to happen to it she’d be quite sad. She also told me that her feelings about the dress will likely grow as time passes instead of diminish.
I thought I might stumble upon a theme as I reviewed answers from people whom I interviewed but it didn’t happen. All the women I talked to saw the dress as a sentimental item in their life, but as some stepped back from the romanticism, they saw that it was just a dress and there probably wasn’t a very realistic reason they were hanging onto it. Others felt it was going to be something they’d hold onto forever.
Laura -married 19 years- told me “I think as you get older, you narrow down your idea of what is important as far as sentimental value.”
Amy -married 18 years- stated something similar…
Sentimentality is the only reason I still have it. I probably couldn’t get my right leg in it anymore, and I doubt my daughters will ever wear it. I’m not sure how you part with something from such an important day in your life, especially when it cost a small fortune!
Reality sets in. If we were ever to renew our vows, I wouldn’t wear it again. Couldn’t even if I wanted to. I’ve never actually known anyone who wore their mother’s dress, but as a newlywed without kids it’s a romantic notion to think one’s yet unborn daughters will one day be so honored to wear the same dress worn by her mother!
but Shelly -married just over a year- said…
Right now, I don’t see much sentimental value in the wedding dress. I have no one to “show” it to, all my friends and family have already seen it just over a year ago. If I were to get it cleaned and sell it I could get more money for it now as opposed to 20 years from now because it’s still “in style.” In the same way, if I were to donate it to Goodwill or a similar charity, it would benefit someone else more now than it would years down the road because of trends and style.
But, I believe the dress’s sentimental value will grow over time. If you were to ask me this same question 10-15-20 years from now, I would probably say that I want to keep it for its sentimental value, because by that time I imagine I would have children and once they get older and perhaps get married themselves, I would want to show them what wedding dresses looked like “back in the day.” I remember my mom showing me hers when I was a kid…and a few years ago when my grandmother passed away we came across her wedding dress from back in the 1940s. It was so cool to have a tangible item -not just a photograph- of my grandmother’s wedding dress.
Some keep their dress but for sentimental reasons. Laura, mentioned previously, said that while her wedding dress wasn’t a traditional gown, she could foresee herself wearing it as a Halloween costume one day. Jen -married 9 years- sounds as though she wouldn’t have much trouble parting with her dress if she decided to because…
I think the person who was obsessed about finding “the dress” would be more likely to feel keeping or preserving the dress was essential. If it were a family heirloom, I’d treat it with the care it deserves. But it is not. Preserving a dress that I happened to find on a discount rack at a bridal store that looked nice on me was great, but pales in comparison to the commitment I made on that day.
Plus, Jen’s dress is serving an important function at the moment, it’s hiding a rifle in the back of a closet.
If you’re going to practice simple living you better walk the walk. Jessica -married 3 years- dropped her dress off at the Salvation Army just a couple weeks ago. Her rationale for the purge was…
I was definitely hanging on to it because that is what you are supposed to do. You’re supposed to save it for your daughter to wear… but I’m at the age where it seems like everyone is getting married and I’ve never heard of ANYONE wearing their mother’s dress.
Jessica was more excited about her wedding dress the day before her wedding than even the day after her wedding. Her feeling is that when you start thinking rationally and stop thinking emotionally the choice to ditch the dress is easy.
Need help ditching your dress?
- Donate it to an organization like Brides Against Breast Cancer where it can find new life.
- Sell it online. Make a few bucks back.
- Give it to a costume rental shop. They can use it for theatrical productions or Halloween.
- If the dress isn’t too eleborate, dye it a color and wear it on a fancy evening out or offer it to a teen to be used as a prom dress.
- If it’s damaged and you just want to toss it, cut some panels of fabric from the dress and use them to decorate scrapbooks and photo albums, make panels for a memory quilt or even to make dresses for dolls that you can give to children in your family.
- Or if you want to ditch it real quick, donate it to Goodwill or The Salvation Army
I know I’ll never think of wedding dresses the same after writing this, nor will I dare ask my wife anytime soon if we can get rid of hers. What did you do with your wedding dress?
Read more from Craig at his blog Simple Black Coffee. You can also follow him on twitter @simplblckcoffee.
I am getting married in April and have no idea how I feel about my dress after the event. Food for thought.
Glad to hear that Debbie, it means the article did it’s job.
Sold mine in the fall and don’t regret it (married 4 years). The bride-to-be that I sold it to was ecstatic and looked beautiful in it. I was excited all over again – like a sister of mine was getting married.
We have excellent photos should I ever lose the memories of the big day.
That’s great Rachel, the true definition of reduce, reuse, recycle.
I still have my dress even though I am divorced. My mother made my wedding dress and I will keep it forever.
That makes a lot of sense tho Melissa, it’s an important part of your relationship with your mom and becomes a family heirloom that way.
I’ve been married almost 29 years, and I finally put my gown up for sale on e-bay. I was saving it in case we had a girl. We have 2 boys (young men) so I have not need for it. It’s hard to make a decision, but what’s it doing in a box, in my closet? Sitting there.
You’ll always have the memories and pictures to remind you of what the dress means, not everyone needs the physical item.
I wore a (red) dress I already owned to our wedding ceremony. It was a special day, but I didn’t want to buy specialized, one-time-use clothing just for the occasion. I made that decision in hopes of avoiding the very conundrum addressed in this post.
I encourage those who are planning weddings to consider wearing your best or favorite clothes, or buying some nice, multi-purpose clothes that you’ll actually be able to wear again for a different occasion. Weddings are simply a celebration of love–they don’t have to be another reason to consume more.
Cool thought, thanks for commenting
My dress had been borrowed from my cousin. So I simply had it cleaned, boxed and handed it back to her!
easy peasy
Hi Courtney! I’m a giver by nature. Even though I looooved my wedding dress, right after our honeymoon I put the dress in its original bag and sent it to Goodwill. I knew I wasn’t going to use it again so I wanted to share it with someone else that maybe couldn’t afford a nice dress. My dress made my wedding day special and I hope it did the same for someone else. Loving blessings!
Some people can go the Goodwill route right away, and some people can’t (like my wife)
It used to be normal to take the best dress you owned and use it for festivities and weddings, even your own. The white was introduced to show people your wealth, because it is impossible to clean (or was, in any case). So, old tradition is on your side if you take Maria’s side on this one. I think I will wear my nice hand-made by my mother out of a pattern of a famous designer long red silk dress I have worn before to my sister’s wedding. It was 80 dollar on fabric and timeless so my daughter might wear it to prom.
very cool, thanks for a little backstory on wedding dresses. Apparently I’m STILL learning about wedding dresses
I’ve had my wedding dress hanging on a hanger in some closet or other for all 33+
years that I have been married. I did not follow the trend of the time of having it cleaned
and sealed in a box at the dry cleaners, which I kept hearing from others, was very expensive.
I’ve read horror stories of moms who had saved the dress for their daughters, and then
discovered the dress had NOT actually been cleaned, or worse, it wasn’t their dress!
My dress is most definitely not in style, and it has stains. It really ought to just go to the landfill.
Thanks for opening my eyes. More out the door, before I’m ready for assisted living.
Great
That was the goal for the entire article, get people thinking about what it is they’ve got.
Just an idea…because our recollections of things are sometimes more glamourous than the condition of the item itself, maybe you’d like to take a couple pictures of your dress before you get rid of it. This way during those times that you lament that you got rid of the dress, the pictures can remind you of the true condition of the item.
I am a pretty simple girl. I sewed my own wedding dress. I wore it for the next 10-12 years to church and other such occasions. I got my money’s worth. I gave it away to a charity when I “grew out of it”. The money we would have spent on a more costly dress funded the first few months of our financially-challenged marriage.
When my daughter was married, she chose a $189 worn-once dress that was absolutely beautiful. We had it cleaned, altered, and added a train and a vale. With the rented hoop-slip, and purchased brassier, we spent less than $500 on her total assemblage. She has since sold her dress and brassier, kept the vale and made back some her money. Smart girl.
Awesome, Thanks for sharing your story!
If you want to clear the space in your closet, consider donating your wedding dress to a worthy cause such as the Mary Madelin Project: http://www.marymadelineproject.org/
I’m sure there are other great causes too.
Thanks very much for pointing out another organization that can use a donated dress, I had not heard of that type of use for a dress.
I donated mine to Brides Against Breast Cancer (what a thrill to think of some other woman falling in love with the dress and not having to go into massive debt to buy it) – and the tax receipt was a bonus! Seriously, I have pictures of me in the dress on our wedding day to save the memory, I’ve had too many friends pay to have their dress “packaged” by a cleaners for saving and had horrible damage when they opened the box down the road, and it was kind of a guilty pleasure to finally clear out the space!
)
Thanks for your comment
I am in the process of planning my wedding and the dress is a huge issue for me because I don’t want it sitting in the back of my closet for years, nor do I want to spend a fortune. My first instinct was to wear my mother’s wedding dress; however, she is shorter than me and the dress would cost hundreds of dollars for alterations. My second choice was to find a pre-owned dress at Goodwill or online. I looked. Didn’t find any. Finally, I decided to look for a dress that was low cost and could be worn again as an evening gown. And that’s what I did. I love it!
Glad to hear you found a “multipurpose” dress
Thanks for your comment
I identify most with Jen. While having a white wedding gown was one of the few “requirements” I had for my wedding, I hate shopping and spending money, so I just went to a Brides Against Breast Cancer sale and bought the gown I liked best that fit me. The only reason I still have my wedding dress (almost three years later) is because my husband and mother insisted, “You *can’t* get rid of it.” (Neither my husband nor mother share my minimalist leanings.) So, there it sits in a closet. My intention had been to clean it and donate it back to Brides Against Breast Cancer. Luckily, my weight is the same as when I got married, so if my fantasy of renewing our vows in Vegas in front of an Elvis impersonator ever comes true, maybe I can wear it again then.
cool, an Elvis wedding
….or you can use the dress to hide a gun if you ever have a need to hide a gun 
I can wear mine again. It’s 100% silk, simple lines with no beading and no fluff, and would look like an evening gown. I may cut it shorter for this purpose. I really do want to wear it again, it’s only been 8 mos of marriage so far. I could also sell it for it’s original price, it’s still being sold by the retailer, and I bought it for 1/4 of the retail price on ebay. With it being able to be rolled up into a ball, it’s kind of hard to justify not keeping it, even as a nice dress. In fact my entire ensemble was bought with re-usability in mind. The veil is the only thing that couldn’t be worn again, and I bought it used. My shoes are now just regular summer sandals. My hair flower can be re-worn with anything, and it feels and looks like a real rose. My wrap doubles as a nice scarf. My earrings and bracelet can all be worn to church with anything nice I have. Even my undergarments are a slip/shaper in nude and go under any light weight dress or skirt combo formal or not. Having everything in a creamy white (neutral color). I’m pretty much good to re-use away!
Mine was a dress I could wear again. I shortened it to calf length which meant I could use it for more occasions. Every time I wore it I got a nice reminder of my wedding day.
I got my wedding dress for $99 off a clearance rack, and when I chose it I noted that I could convert the bodice into a stand-alone top one day in the future. I still haven’t because I can’t quite bring myself to chop up my wedding dress!
It had crossed my mind prior to getting married that I should wear a dress that I could wear again. I couldn’t see the point in spending hundreds of dollars on a dress you never wore again. But, when it actually came to finding a wedding dress I didn’t realise that it was actually OKAY to do that, and to just let your bridesmaid choose her own dress that she could re-wear.
Mine is damaged, and I believe that is now the reason that I can’t let it go. It wouldn’t actually be of use to anyone, I couldn’t even donate it. Because it cannot realise any value or do any good, it feels like a shame to dispose of it. However I do have a flowergirl dress in my Daughters closet that really should be parted with before she attaches any sentimentality to it!
When I was young and we had to buy one of those overly fancy flowergirl dresses, my mom let me play dress up with it after the wedding. She thought that we should get some use out of it since it had cost so much. I played princess, pageant, and I think I even wore it for Halloween that first year. Just a thought, if you don’t mind her playing in it and getting it dirty.
I will start out by saying that I am normally not sentimental in the least… But I have kept my wedding dress for 17 years because I designed it and made it myself. I was only 22, went to NYC, bought the fabric, imported Venice Lace that I hand beaded myself, and made my own pattern and destroyed 2 sheet sets making “practice” dresses. It took me all summer. But it turned out beautifullly, not what I’d design today, but I can’t get rid of it because I put so much work into it. Maybe one day I’ll be able to part with it. Interesting article and I enjoyed reading everyone’s responses.
Thank you so much for posting the link to Brides Against Breast Cancer. I’ve never heard of this and it’s the answer to my very tough question of what to do with my wedding dress. My mom recently lost the fight against breast cancer and I can’t think of a better way to help others like her. I’ll be mailing my dress next week!
Love reading it over and over again…If I will be getting married soon, I have my own wedding dress and then keep it forever….because with its aid I remember the most and happiest moment in my life.
I donated my wedding dress about 5 years ago. I now have a 4 year old daughter. I search for that dress on e bay – as silly as that sounds. I would pay $1000.00 or more ( for a $420.00 dress) to have it back. Just so I can pull it out or put it on again. I want to find someone to replicate it from photos. I may have been angry with my husband at the time of separation from the dress. I don’t know. All I know is a photo of it isn’t enough. I dread the day my child or hubby asks me if I still possess it. Just always keep in mind that your feelings change with every moment. One moment you may not feel attached to a thing, but the next moment you may regard it as priceless. What harm does a beautiful dress do to the inside of a closet or a box?
I know this is really late, but I wanted to share my experiences. I was married at 18, with little money to spend so i bought a used gown that I didn’t ‘love’, cleaned it, and donated it. It was easy because I didn’t like the gown very much anyway. Now, many years later, I’m getting married a second time. This time around, I have the money to buy exactly what I want, but still don’t have any intentions of hanging onto it. I actually plan on having a Trash the Dress photo shoot**, which will mean that the dress will probably never be wearable again, but i might frame a piece of it.
**We are getting married in the snow, and thought it would be a great opportunity to make snow angels, and have snowball fights captured in photos.
I have been married for a year now and I could never give away my wedding dress! My mother who has been married for 30 years lost her dress in a fire at my grandmothers. I wished I was able to just try it on once even if I would never wear it for my wedding. I ended up buying TWO wedding dresses thanks to my older brother who spent two months worth of his salary to get it for me (he’s a RN). They are tooo beautiful to ever give away and even if fashion says they no longer fit in, sentimental value will always rule out my reason to ever give those beautiful dresses away!